Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
