i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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