My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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