I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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