rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
