if i can run in heels then i can drive
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
