its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize