I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
