so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
