They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
