Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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