I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize