if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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