one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
