she looked like the before picture.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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