please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
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