ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
