I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
