I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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