the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
