..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
