her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
