the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
