News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
