I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
