Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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