i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hippo gnu deer
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
