Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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