I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
