I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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