Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
