I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize