she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
