yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
