Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
