Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
