I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
