hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
