well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
