I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
