The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
