I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
