Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
