The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
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