Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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