Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
