taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
