While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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