Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
