My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
