you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize