My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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