im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
