we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
