I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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