she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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