Pants 0. Shit 1.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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