3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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