Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
