matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im holly from the hills drunk
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
