dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
