Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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