I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
