Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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