I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
