Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
