got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
