why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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