everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
