they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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