before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
