oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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