Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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