you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
