Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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