dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
