Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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