My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
