I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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