He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
