definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You're a waste of cheezeits
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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