I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
