went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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