Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
