He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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