Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
