shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
