I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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