you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
