I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
